We originally created this post during the pandemic shutdown of 2020 when stress was particularly high world-and-nationwide. But, as humans, we often go through times of uncertainty and stress, so the principles and tips highlighted in this blog post can help us at any time. We hope that you can utilize some of the information provided to manage your own stress.
Let’s start by understanding how stress affects our bodies, what it can look like, and how to recognize the signs. Then, we’ll explore how our perspective influences stressful situations and how we can intentionally shift it. Finally, we’ll share a variety of tools and techniques to help you better manage stress.
Stress and Our Bodies
Our bodies were designed to activate the stress response in life-threatening situations—commonly known as the fight, flight, or freeze response. Think lions in the brush. So, even when the stressor is not life-threatening, our bodies react inside like it is. Hormones in our bodies lead us to the fight, flight or freeze response. When our stress response kicks in, our behaviors and thinking patterns become less flexible. Additionally, chronic stress breaks down the body—leading to a weakened immune system and an increased likelihood of disease.
What Stress Might Look Like
Mental
- Trouble thinking clearly
- Memory problems
- Can’t concentrate
- Short attention span
- Poor judgement
- Anxious or racing throughs
- Constant worrying
Physical
- Tightness in muscles
- Aches and pains
- Headaches, trembling, sweating
- Nausea, dizziness
- Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
- Loss of appetite
- Lack of sleep, nightmares
Emotional
- Moodiness
- Easily upset or hurt
- Irritability or short temper
- Agitation, unable to relax or keep still
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Sense of loneliness and isolation
- Depression or general unhappiness
Behavioral
- Eating more or less
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Isolating yourself from others
- Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
- Using alcohol, cigarettes or drugs to relax
- Nervous habits like nail biting, pacing, etc.
5 Myths About Stress
The following are some common misconceptions regarding stress:
- Myth: In an ideal world, there would be no stress.
Truth: A little stress is natural and healthy and can help motivate us. - Myth: What is stressful to me is stressful to you.
Truth: Perspective, culture & personal history play a role. - Myth: Only unpleasant situations are stressful.
Truth: New job, new home & a new love can all be positive AND stressful. - Myth: No symptoms, no stress.
Truth: Symptoms are a warning sign but might not be present or you might not be tuned into symptoms. - Myth: Stress is inevitable, so you can’t do anything about it.
Truth: Techniques can be learned to prevent some stress & be less impacted by stress that you can’t control.
Perspective Is Key
Our perspective of the situation we are in is key. Worrying about things we cannot control is not only fruitless, but can be self-destructive. There are certain behavioral patterns associated with interpreting events less stressfully:
- Viewing potentially stressful events as interesting and meaningful.
- Considering change as normal and an opportunity for growth.
- Believing oneself as capable of having influence on some events.
You Have a Choice in How You Respond to Stressful Situations
In most situations, stress begins with a thought. We may not be able to control the event, but we can control our response to the event. Our choice is to respond with curiosity, interest, and an open mind (solution-orientated) or to respond with a closed mind, negativity, dismissiveness and hopelessness.
More effective ways to respond to a stressful situation include:
- Gratitude: “I appreciate….”, “I am thankful for…”
- Acceptance: “It’s ok….”, “I can go with the flow…”
- Discovery: “I wonder…”, “What can I learn from this?”
- Observation: “I am noticing….”
Identifying and Understanding Your Values
80th Birthday Party Exercise
A great way to identify and understand what your values are is to think about what you would want people to say about you at your 80th birthday party. Write down the qualities and characteristics you want people to know you for. Assess what is most important in your life. When your choices are guided by the values and goals that are most important to you, your life can be full and active, yet not stressful.
The Choice Point
Your choices either take you toward who you want to be, or away from who you want to be. The Choice Point is being in a difficult moment and experiencing difficult sensations and making a choice to either move towards your values, or away from your values. Taking action at a point in time that leads you towards your values, leads you to a more fulfilling life. Take a look at this video: The Choice Point: A Map for a Meaningful Life.
Psychological Flexibility
As mentioned earlier—as our stress response kicks in, our behaviors and thinking patterns become less flexible. So here are some thoughts we can use to train ourselves to have psychological flexibility:
- “Being here now means being in the present moment (as opposed to thinking of the past or the future).”
- “Accepting the way I feel means not avoiding unpleasant thoughts or feelings. Instead, I can sit with them and experience them with compassion, curiosity and acceptance until they pass.”
- “Noticing my thoughts means seeing thoughts as just thoughts. They come, they go. They are just what the brain does. I don’t have to buy into my thoughts. They do not define me.”
- “Doing what I care about means taking action to live life in accordance with my values.”
Are Your Thoughts Helpful?
Check-in with your actions or ‘away moves’ that take you away from your path—sometimes they are “good”, but not for long periods of times. If you are buying into the story your mind is telling you, first take a moment to check out its workability. Workability is when we see if our story helps us follow the path toward our meaningful life or if it moves us away.
Thank your mind for your thoughts. This means you don’t have to buy into your thoughts. You can see them for what they are: thoughts. It also means you are not trying to replace your thoughts with more desirable thoughts, nor are you trying to stop or reduce your thoughts.
Avoidance
Avoiding our negative feelings and thoughts will not lead us to our values, but to more suffering.
Avoidance of thoughts actually increases those thoughts in both frequency and strength, and therefore their burden upon us.
Mindfulness
Rather than avoiding our thoughts and feelings, we can practice embracing the present moment by noticing them with curiosity, acceptance, and without judgment. When we allow ourselves to sit with our experiences instead of fighting against them, we create space to respond in ways that move us closer to what matters most: our values. Mindfulness is the intentional practice of bringing our attention to the thoughts, emotions, and sensations we experience in the present moment with openness, acceptance, and nonjudgment.
A few mindfulness resources to check out:
5 Myths of Mindfulness – Dr. Russ Harris (3:25 min)
Body Scan – Dr. Joseph Ciarrochi (27 min)
Awareness of the breath – M. Rassmusen (10 min)
Managing Your Stress
It’s important to identify relaxation techniques that you can incorporate into your daily life to better manage stress and support your overall health and well-being.
Taking care of yourself
Some of these may seem like common sense, but during stressful times, these foundational habits can make a significant difference in helping you manage stress.
- Exercise—even minimal exercise leaves you feeling better.
- Good Food—fuel your body with healthy foods: whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies.
- Sleep – find ways to get that 8 hours of sleep. Get creative if needed.
- Be realistic with your expectations for yourself and others.
- Have patience and grace with yourself and others.
- Use perspective-taking to help understand other people—how you express your emotions might not be the same as others.
- Take a moment away for yourself when you need it.
Guided Imagery and Meditation
Guided imagery and meditation are practices that help cultivate focus by directing your attention toward something specific, such as your breath, a calming image, a point of light, or a meaningful mantra. These practices can help reduce stress, improve focus, support better sleep, and promote overall health and well-being. With many guided exercises available online, explore different options to find one that resonates with you, then set aside a quiet space to reconnect with yourself.
Yoga
Yoga comes in many different forms, making it easy to find a practice that aligns with your needs, preferences, and goals. Whether you’re looking to build strength, increase flexibility, or cultivate mindfulness, finding a quiet space to practice can help you fully engage in the experience. Yoga has been shown to improve balance, focus, and posture while also supporting overall well-being by reducing stress and anxiety, promoting heart and immune health, improving sleep, and enhancing mental clarity. With countless apps and YouTube resources available, you can explore different styles and find a practice that works best for you.
Recap on How to Manage Your Stress
During unprecedented or challenging times, take moments to check in with your stress levels and notice how your perspective may be shaping your thoughts and emotions. Consider the choices you have in how you respond, and reconnect with your values by identifying the actions that move you toward the life you want to create and those that may pull you away from it.
Practice psychological flexibility by reminding yourself: “I am here in this moment, accepting the way I feel, noticing my thoughts with curiosity, and choosing actions that align with what matters most to me.”
While it may feel natural to avoid difficult thoughts or emotions, avoiding them often gives them more power. Instead, practicing acceptance and allowing space for your experiences can help you respond in healthier, more adaptive ways.
Incorporate stress management strategies that support your overall well-being, such as intentionally prioritizing self-care, practicing mindfulness, engaging in yoga, using guided imagery, and exploring other techniques that help you feel grounded. We hope these recommendations and resources provide helpful tools as you navigate stress and find ways to care for yourself during challenging times.
Need Additional Help?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Resources
ACT books
- Get Out of Your Mind and into Your Life by Steven C. Hayes
- The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
- Act Made Simple by Russ Harris
Counseling Services
Seek out professional support. We and many others have counseling services that may be able to help. And our counselors understand the complexities of being a parent to a child with autism. Contact us today for more details.
This content is from a webinar Dr. Jennifer Thomas, PhD, BCBA-D, LBA, Chief Clinical Officer at Healing Haven, and Danielle Harrison, MA, LPC, Counselor at Healing Haven presented to parents.